I love cooking for my husband! I’ve discovered that cooking is a creative outlet for me. But it’s more than that. Being able to serve Andre is one of the joys of my marriage!
Before I move on, I feel the need to clarify the word “serve.” On this blog post’s related Instagram post, someone thought (and I’m sure still thinks) that I mean that I am somewhat of an indentured servant to my husband.
“I admit I find it weird to publicly announce being someone else's servant.”
This person, due to their misconception of the word “serve,” thinks that it is weird that I would "publicly announce" being a servant to my husband. But this is exactly what Jesus came on the Earth to do. The Bible says that Jesus “came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:28). Jesus, the Son of God, came to earth and humbly lived like a servant, lived selflessly, making choices on behalf of others, with love as the motivation, rather than from selfish ambition. Jesus says, “My Father will honor the one who serves me,” and we know that one of the best ways to serve God is to serve others. So yes, I am a servant to my husband. And I am not ashamed to publicly admit that!
"Jesus, the Son of God, came to earth and humbly lived like a servant, lived selflessly, making choices on behalf of others, with love as the motivation, rather than from selfish ambition."
As women, and especially in “romantic” relationships, we have the unique opportunity to serve the man we love dearly. I believe in the “archaic, misogynistic, patriarchal, old school” (quotations for sarcasm) idea that God created women to be helpers to men. Part of our unique design is to come alongside the men in our lives and help them (apart from the general ways we can love and serve everyone as Christian)! This is amazing because it is something that God made special and innate within us!
We live in a world that is constantly telling us to NEVER do anything for a man. Don’t dress for men. Don’t depend on a man for anything. Don’t do anything for a man that wouldn’t make you happy. They say, “If you do something for a man you are devaluing yourself and your worth”. I disagree completely with this idea.
Life is about giving ourselves and serving others. So WHAT if a woman puts on makeup and a dress for her man? So what, she endures a football game even if it’s the last thing she wants to watch? God forbid she clean up after him, or cook for him! Time and again, God’s word talks about selfless love, serving others and giving ourselves away. Why shouldn’t it be the same for our relationships? Why are so many people so resistant to the idea of doing something for the person you love more than anything? I’m not talking about doing things for him out of fear that he will leave, or out of any other fear. I’m talking about selflessly serving from a place of love. Doing something for a man just might mean temporary or permanent sacrifice of what we want to do in the moment. It won’t make us happy 100% of the time. But it will produce joy! Don’t let anyone tell you that you are doing “too much.” Women, don’t be scared into thinking you will lose yourself by serving men. It is a beautiful thing to help men (and others). This should be the essence of our relationships!
So, what can you do for your man today?
1. Cook for him.
I know not everyone loves or knows how to cook. Maybe your man is the main chef. Even so, if you don’t know how to cook, learn! Try making more meals that he likes. Men love food, and many men love to see their woman in the kitchen.
2. Dress for him.
Chances are, your man loves something that you wear, whether it be a little makeup, certain clothing items like dresses, a special hairstyle or hair piece, accessories, etc.
3. Serve him first.
When serving up a meal get him his plate first.
4. Get him a snack or drink.
When you go to get one for yourself, get something for him as well. Or at the very least, make sure to ask if he would like something.
5. Help him with his work.
This may not be possible for everyone, but depending on his job, you may be able to help with various tasks here and there. Many times, the most helpful thing can be creating a peaceful (and tidy) environment in your home for when he comes home from work (yes, even if you work too). Get him a drink, ask him about his day, but don’t dump all of your life problems of the day on him as soon as he arrives (or finishes, if he works from home). Give him a massage or back rub to help him relax and release stress.
6. Don’t say no.
Maybe you are used to saying no to intimacy because you are tired, don’t feel good, or just aren’t in the mood. Next time you know your husband wants “some” just say yes. Chances are you will get in the mood after a few minutes, and, at least in my experience, any sort of tiredness or illness goes away in the moment! You can even throw on some lingerie and surprise him that way! Shake off the selflessness, and go enjoy your husband!
7. Join him in his favorite hobbies!
Or, give him his space and time to enjoy his own things. Watch that football game with him. Let him excitedly explain a new concept he just learned that goes way over your head. Give him the space to be creative, or to go and be with his friends.
8. Take care of him when he’s sick.
When I get sick, Andre is a champ at getting me everything I need without asking. When Andre is sick, it usually takes about a day before I realize that I can serve him by getting him medicine or a drink. He is tougher than me, so he doesn’t complain or make it a big deal, but it’s always nice to know that if he did need anything I can get it for him.
9. Say thank you.
Let him know you appreciate what he does for you, whether it be working, or helping you around the home in some way.
10. Surprise him, with anything!
A gift, a love letter, a concert ticket, a date night. Be creative, and make sure it is something that he will love!
The list is endless, but it’s really about getting out of a selfish mindset, and doing things that he will appreciate. Trust me, men really love when a woman makes a little bit of effort! Even if he doesn’t notice right away, over time he will notice. And even if he never notices, that’s okay! No need to get upset, because it’s not about you! Regardless, doing things for your man from a place of selflessness will only make your relationship better!
With love,
Solie Osorio
P.S. Of course, serving is not just a women thing, but here I am specifically addressing and debunking the widespread notion that women should not do anything for men.
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