“Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.” 1 Peter 3:3-4
If you’re like me, you imagine a screaming, raging, radical feminist, holding a sign without a top on in the midst of some movement, to be the complete antithesis of gentle and quiet spirit. But the truth is, “gentle and quiet” doesn’t come natural to me either. I am strong willed, stubborn, opinionated, sassy, and obnoxious. For as long as I can remember, I’ve had this infamous ‘Solie sigh.’ My whole family knows it well. This sigh comes from a place of frustration, annoyance, and tiredness. I can not have said a single word, but once you hear that sigh, you either find out what’s up, or avoid Solie altogether. Just the other day, I did the ‘Solie sigh’ whilst on a walk with my husband, and he said, “I haven’t heard that in a while.” And I realized that I hadn’t felt the ways that warranted such a noise nearly as often either.
Truthfully, I am still strong-willed and opinionated. I can be loud and talk a lot. But my spirit is much quieter and gentle than it was before I was married, thanks to the amazing leadership of my husband who sets an example of an unwavering spirit, and the transforming work of the Holy Spirit in my heart.
In his first letter, Peter writes to Christians and advises that women with unbelieving husbands, rather than trying to convince them with words, “win” them over with good conduct that is “respectful and pure”. However, this is clearly not just for married women, but how all Christian women should conduct themselves, for the “imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit” is, in God's sight “very precious”.
Having a quiet spirit is lost in our culture. There is such an emphasis on being heard. Read the lyrics of pop singer Katy Perry’s “Roar” for example:
You held me down, but I got up
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder, gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up
Get ready 'cause I've had enough
I see it all, I see it now
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter
Dancing through the fire
'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar
There is such a want for women to be heard. We want to break through the noise. We want eyes on us. We are being told that we have to be loud and abrasive to get what we deserve. Focus on me! Give me what I want! Listen to what I have to say!
This is because many of us have a contentious spirit rather than a quiet spirit. You know how girls are known for their cattiness? We like to pick little fights, we don’t like to be wrong, and we generally have a lot to say when we feel wronged, upset, like we need to be heard; when we are anxious, and even when we are happy and excited, even if it’s just in our heads.
Having a quiet spirit doesn’t mean that women can’t talk or have a say (although we must be discerning on when to speak, and how. There are also places in scripture in which we are commanded not to speak at all). The word spirit indicates that this is not simply an action us women need to take. It starts from within our hearts, and from our heart flows all else, including our actions, behaviors, and words (Proverbs 4:23).
Having a quiet spirit means not being quarrelsome. Stop picking fights with your husband, siblings, parents, even your children. Having this feminine quality requires much self-control. Don’t be a nag, either. Remember, you do not always have to be right, nor do you have to convince someone that you are right every time. And think before you speak. Consider whether the results of speaking will end only in quarrel or not.
It means not vying for attention, and not asking for attention. Your voice does not always need to be heard. You do not need acknowledgement for your good works. You do not always need to voice what bothers you. Some things are best left between you and the Holy Spirit, for one reason or another.
It means having perfect peace. Not getting frustrated and annoyed. Not worrying about the future, but living in the present moment that God has given you, and completely trusting Him. It means being able to laugh at the days to come (Proverbs 31:25). If your mind is constantly buzzing with fear and anxiety and depression and thinking about what is next, you need the Holy Spirit to come and quiet your spirit. You cannot possibly hear the Holy Spirit if your mind is filled with thoughts, emotions, and anxieties. He wants us to be still. To be quiet.
Sister’s, a quiet spirit is precious in God’s eyes. Let’s seek to glorify God through cultivating our own!
With love,
Solie Osorio
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