What's the deal with submission? Are wives really supposed to let their husbands be in charge of them?
Submission- you either love it, or hate it! It’s a word that can stir up a lot of negative associations. The idea of biblical submission is despised by many. Who can blame them when it’s rooted in patriarchal, misogynistic, and toxic ideals?
The bible says:
"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands. The husband is the head of the wife. Wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Even more so, husbands, it doesn’t matter if you love your wife or not. Treat her like a doormat. Be sure she does everything in her power to please you, and if she falls short, you may lash out in anger. Assert your dominance over her. If she submits to you, it does not matter if you care for her. You are in charge, she has no value or worth. The wife must respect her husband."
Just kidding! That last paragraph was a joke...however, this is what many people think submission is all about.
Here’s what scripture actually says:
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
Submission Outside of Marriage is Normal
How many of us have been in situations where more than one person tried to be in charge? It is usually frustrating, annoying, and whatever job needs to be done is less effective. Generally in these situations, the person under the one in charge is highly valued. They are even incredibly necessary. They have strengths that the one in charge doesn’t have. They offer different perspectives than the one in charge. But- they are still not in charge.
All around us, in our daily lives, people submit. In almost every situation, there is the person in charge, and someone directly under them. There is the pilot and a co-pilot. A company owner and CEO. A president and vice president. A chef and sou chef. Employees submit to their bosses. Good citizens submit to the law. Religious people submit to their gods or authority. Children submit to their parents or caretakers. The Church submits to Christ. Even Jesus, the Son of God submitted to God the Father. When employees don’t submit, they lose their jobs. Citizens that don’t submit to the law are ticketed, fined, or jailed. If children don’t submit, they are disciplined, or the relationship between them and their parents is strained temporarily or permanently. If the Church doesn’t submit to Christ, we risk maximum effectiveness. If Jesus hadn’t submitted to God, well, we would be in deep trouble.
So, why do some people think submission is something that shouldn't be incorporated into our marriages?
Marriage is a lot more than just an “endless sleepover with your favorite weirdo.” It is very fun, and many married people are with their favorite weirdo, but marriage is so much more than committing to someone you love. That’s a little basic. Marriage is about committing to someone you love, and raising children to love the Lord together. It’s about creating a home of peace, love, and joy. And ultimately, it is meant to be a reflection of the way the Church submits to Christ. The submission factor makes marriage unique to all other relationships, because of the why: why we are called to submit, and the beautiful picture it represents. Jesus submits to God, and the Church submits to Jesus. Husbands submit to Jesus, wives submit to their husbands. In every way Christ is meant to lead the Church, men are meant to lead their wives.
We love to submit to Christ. In fact, submission to Christ is the very essence of our Christianity- a daily submission saying, “Christ, I will follow you. I will leave my selfish ambitions behind. You are Lord over my life, you love me abundantly and unconditionally; you have my best interests at heart. You know me better than anyone. You love me more than anyone. I trust you.” Scripture makes it clear that submission is a holy thing. Why are we all about submission to Christ, yet, when we are called to submit to our husbands in the same fashion, we call it sexist and misogynist?
Why Submission Makes Women Uncomfortable
For one, the world tells us that relationships are all about equality. If wives are supposed to submit, that means they don’t have equal roles to their husbands. It means their roles aren’t interchangeable, and are confined to gender. I hate to break it to you, but equality is not a part of biblically based marriages. So many women hate the dominant trait in men. It is something that society as a whole tries to suppress. Many women are angry when men rise to the top in leadership positions. Is this because of sexism, or because men are naturally more competitive and dominant leaders? Men could make the same argument as well. “A woman is supposed to submit to me? Yeah right, like she would ever listen.” Women have a spirit of rebellion in their fallen nature, and I believe it goes back to the very first sin committed by the woman Eve. “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you” (Genesis 3:15). But naturally, women are submissive. Because of sin, this does not always come easy, but pray that God changes your attitude towards submission, and helps you in your submission towards your husband or your future husband.
The other common objection is that men are imperfect. God knows this. We need to stop the association of marital submission with the stories of men who are not in fact doing anything righteous. We also need to remember that submission isn’t conditional; in fact, Ephesians 5 says to submit to our husbands in everything. A man being head over, in charge of, and the leader for his wife will always be considered to some, abusive and bad, no matter how you explain. I’m here to tell you it’s not. It’s actually a beautiful thing, and it is the order in which God intended husbands and wives live. It is an evil, and rebellious spirit that causes the distaste for submission. Pray that God will open your eyes and give you peace about submission, if you don’t have peace already.
Submission is not just one random aspect of marriage that we have the option of doing- marriage is meant to be a reflection of Christ and the Church- which means that submission is a part of the very essence of marriage.
Submission is awesome! It is not just one random aspect of marriage that we have the option of doing- marriage is meant to be a reflection of Christ and the Church- which means that submission is a part of the very essence of marriage.
With love,
Solie Osorio
Let's talk about it: How do you honestly view submission? Is it something you view positively, or negatively? Comment your thoughts below!
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