I love to write about femininity, characteristics of women, and how women can become more Christlike. I recently read something that said, “if you speak of women's roles more than women’s dignity and worth, then for the love of God, please, lay your idols down.” For some reason, this didn’t sit well with me.
For one, I don’t think women’s roles are being talked about nearly enough. But even more so, I have had a newfound desire to make sure I incorporate the gospel into my writings. My desire is ultimately to share the Gospel. Our world is in desperate need of revival, and it desperately needs to hear the truth of God’s saving grace. After all, isn’t that way more important than telling women what they should and shouldn’t do according to the scriptures? This got me thinking. I know it’s important that women embrace biblical femininity, but why? What does that have to do with the gospel? I mean, it’s not like a woman who preaches isn’t a Christian? Wives who don’t submit, or married couples that refuse to have children can still be saved right?
So, what does focusing on gender roles and God’s design for us as women have to do with salvation? For a little, I had trouble fully connecting the dots. Trying to mentally bridge the gap between “Christianity 101”-aka, repent and believe, love God, love others- and all the stuff that speaks on women in church, and wives, and unmarried people- a.k.a the gender roles.
Does it Matter?
The bible is filled with specific commands on how women should live. Take a look at just a few:
"Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled." Titus 2:3-5
"Their wives likewise must be dignified, not slanderers, but sober-minded, faithful in all things." 1 Timothy 3:11
"The women should keep silent in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be in submission, as the Law also says. If there is anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home. For it is shameful for a woman to speak in church." 1 Corinthians 14:34-35
"But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God."1 Corinthians 11:3
"Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works." 1 Timothy 2:9-15
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands." Ephesians 5:22
These are God’s commandments to the Church through Paul. Paul’s words are not any more or less significant than those of Christ’s. God used Paul as a vessel. His writings were inspired by God. We like to say “Well Jesus didn’t say that,” when we disagree with something Paul says. “16 All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,”* including the words written by Paul. Voddie Baucham says this: “You can no more separate Paul or Peter from Jesus, as you can Jesus from the Father or the Holy Spirit. The Bible is one story, not many. What do the apostles teach? The apostles are whose apostles? They are Christ’s apostles. So the teaching that they give us, is the authoritative teaching of the Church from the Lord Jesus Christ himself.”
We should hold the words of Paul with the same as weight as those of Jesus. Not because Paul was a perfect savior, but because what He was saying was directly from God. And we also shouldn’t make the excuse of “Oh, that was just cultural.” Kim Cash Tate says this, “The word of God is divinely inspired, timeless, and profitable for teaching, reproof, correction, and training in righteousness (2 Timothy 3:16) — until an issue such as submission comes into view. Suddenly, portions of the New Testament are fit only for a particular group and point in time. The apostle Paul is no longer a bondservant of God, but a man gone rogue, speaking from personal opinion. Thus, we are free to put forth opinions of others, including ourselves, to rebut Paul’s questionable bent.” Another, simplistic, way to look at it is that before Christ, the Jews had a set of laws that they had to follow very specifically in order to be saved. Christ didn’t come for hundreds and hundreds of years. Imagine if the Jews, after some time decided that they didn’t want to follow the law anymore because it was “outdated.” That’s what they did way back then, “ it’s not relevant to us anymore”. That was crazy then - and it would be crazy today, too!
Even if you disagree with these commands that Paul gives the Church, we must at least acknowledge that the principle behind them is good. We must not fall into the worldly mindset that these “rules” were based off of the subordination and devaluing of women, and a bad system of patriarchy. Think about it. How many women preachers do you know that are not loud or have some sort of feminist bent in which they dominate men? Or portray woman as victims - and somewhat holier than men? (Granted, most male preachers are like this as well). They believe they have equal roles to men, and we know this is wrong, as by definition, a women preacher has authority over her husband.
Paul was speaking to the Church. He was giving them God-ordained messages on how to function. He was pointing them away from their sinful ways, and in the direction that God desired.
The Different Gender Roles
Men and women are different. This is God’s specific design. God is sovereign, and he does everything with intention. When Adam and Eve first sinned, their punishment, besides death, was a curse; but even the curses were different for both men and women. Eve was cursed with painful childbearing and her desire became for her husband, and he would rule over her. Adam was cursed with having to painfully toil and work for food. And while all of the commands for all Christians are the same, such as making disciples of all nations, depending on whether you are a woman or a man, even depending on whether you are married or not, these commands will be fleshed out differently in many areas. If you are a woman, you should not be out there trying to make disciples from the pulpit or trying to teach men theology. If you are a mother, you should mostly focus on making disciples by teaching your children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. For Christian women, we should be in our homes, keeping them. If you are a wife, you now have an obligation to your husband, and must submit to him in everything, so that he can help sanctify you*. God has a specific design for our lives, and for us as men and women.
The world hates biblical teachings on gender. It slaps on all of these “isms” and “ists,” and fellow sisters, we must not listen to what the world has to say on these issues. They are almost never in line with or reflective of God’s word.
It’s very interesting. It seems as if all the teachings that are seemingly “gender neutral” are okay. But once a gender is singled out, it suddenly becomes just a cultural thing, or it suddenly doesn’t matter because “Jesus didn’t say it.”
In 1 Timothy 2, Paul says this, “First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, 2 for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way. 3 This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, 4 who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.” Christians say, “Yay, we will pray for everyone, always, this is so great, because it pleases God.”
In the very next paragraph, he says this (which, mind you, tells how the church is to pray, intercede, lead a quiet and peaceful life), “I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling; 9 likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, 10 but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works. 11 Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve; 14 and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. 15 Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.” And then the Christians say, “That was just the culture back then.” Or maybe they can get on board with, for example, the modesty part, but everything else was “just the culture” or doesn’t matter. I admit that there may be some parts that culturally are not a problem anymore, like “the braided hair and gold or pearls”. But we must examine these scriptures and understand why Paul wrote this, and how the principle behind it still stands. We must not throw the baby out with the bathwater. If we ignore all parts of scripture where different commands are given to the different genders, we are missing out on a huge part of scripture, and how we are to serve Christ to the best of our ability.
Why it Matters
You may be thinking, “Wow, you are overthinking this too much,” or, “You are making something insignificant seem so important.” You may even be thinking that I’m stepping into legalistic territory. Listen, just because you love your neighbors doesn’t mean you are saved. Just because you are kind doesn’t mean you’re saved. Just because you obey your husband doesn’t mean you’re saved. Listening to God’s commandments to the Church does not simply mean you are saved. But when you are saved, you should do these things. You should ask God to help you with kindness. You should ask God to help you with obedience to your husband. If you are saved, God desires that you live within His design for our lives. Therefore, we should desire to live within His design for our lives. Our hearts are different after salvation. It matters because it can be evidence of salvation. It’s the fruit. It matters just as much as being wary of false teachers, loving our neighbors, stirring up one another to love and good works.
It matters because we see how societies fall apart when they no longer live within God’s design. When we don’t live in God’s design, we may make it more difficult for others to live within their design, and it makes it more difficult in relation to our walk with Christ. We know that family structure and upbringing has a direct effect on society. A wife who works outside may make it difficult for the husband to be the main provider; he may feel less of the weight of that responsibility, or not want his wife to stay at home when it would be better for the children, because they have become so dependent on her income as well. A wife may become more focused on being a help-meet to her boss, and fellow employees, than her husband. How much easier is it for a woman to “continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control” when she is busy at home, serving those God placed before her immediately, not adding the stresses and emotions of work (and maybe even school)?
God’s design is perfect. Biblical gender roles have not been talked about not because men have abused them, which some men have. Biblical gender roles have not been addressed not because we live in a patriarchal society in which men have enslaved women. Not because it is wrong to teach these biblical concepts. But because Satan has deceived us to believe that throughout history, it is the man that has committed these atrocities. It is the man that has committed these violent acts. Women have just been the victims of man’s sins and acts. These are common beliefs even within the church today. How did we allow these beliefs to become mainstream in the church?
God makes it clear in the bible. Our battle is a spiritual battle. It is between good and evil. That is contrary to the popular belief that the battle is and has been between the man and the woman, or one race vs another. It is always good vs evil. Always the nature of God vs the nature of satan.
Going back to what one would consider “traditional, biblical gender roles” does not mean now that you idolize womanhood, and that you place your identity in being a woman over being a follower of Christ. Teaching about, and living out, our role as women does not mean we have no dignity or worth. How much more dignified can a woman living within her God given role get? How precious is a woman living within her role in the eyes of God? The teachings of God through Paul and the apostles are here to help us better follow Christ. Because men and women think differently, this should help make things easier for us! We have been deceived to believe that there are many “gray areas”. But God makes things clear for us. Many of us have over-complicated His design for the Church, or thrown it out altogether. His words have lost their meaning and value. But God’s ways are always better, even if we can’t understand them.
I hope, as always, that this is an encouragement to you. If you are a fellow sister in Christ and have trouble with this message, simply humble yourself before the Lord, pray, and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal His truth to you in due time.
“If we desire to honor the Lord, we don’t take aim and fire at verses of Scripture. We esteem those verses, however “troublesome” we may deem them, as God-breathed and holy. And we pray for the Spirit to lead us in understanding them.” - Kim Kash Tate.
And if you are already on board, pray that God continues to refine you and shape you into the woman you need to be for His kingdom!
With love,
Solie Osorio
Let's talk about it: Do you you think gender-roles are over- or under-emphasized in the Church? Do you think they are important?
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Additional resources: Let the Bible Tell You How to Be a Woman
*Timothy 3:16
*Ephesians 5:26