Modesty is not a popular subject, nor is it viewed positively by many. But even in this day and age, it matters! Here is why.
“You dress immodestly compared to the way the Hutterite women dress, Solie (based on your pictures). Would you appreciate a Hutterite woman telling you that you're sinning and causing her husband to lust? Of course not. Bc you don't think you are. (And I don't, either).”
How would you respond?
Have you heard the saying, “modest is hottest?” Some may have qualms with this saying, as the goal is not to be hot, or about wearing clothes that will draw attention to you and give off the “hot girl” vibe. Regardless, it’s meant to bring attention to the fact that modesty matters. Generally, when we think of modesty, clothing comes to mind. Dressing modestly is important, and I will touch on it again in a moment, but I want you to know modesty is a posture of the heart, which then flows out into other parts of your life, including the way you dress. 1 Timothy 2:9-10 says, “Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.” 1 Peter says, “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.”
Modesty is ultimately about the heart. It glorifies God when we dress modestly. Even if we never caused a brother to stumble (and in this context, I mean when a man lusts after you because of what you wear), dressing immodestly would still be a sin, because God desires for us to be modest. Like I said, what we do is an outpouring of what’s in the heart. That is how different women can have different standards of dress, and still be modest and honoring God.
Many women have staunch objections to the idea of modesty. The argument for modesty is often that it’s meant to keep men from stumbling, and lusting after us. Those opposed to the idea of dressing modestly hate this because they claim that you can’t control what a man does or thinks. This is true of course, and it is also true that if a man lusts after you, that is a sin that he has committed. It is also true that God doesn’t hold us accountable for the sins of others.
HOWEVER, we see in scripture that we as Christians have an obligation to our brothers (meaning, fellow brothers and sister's in Christ) to not do anything that could cause them to sin. “Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother… For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. 16 So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. 17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18 Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. 19 So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.”
So, here we see that it is wrong for us to knowingly cause a brother to stumble. This is sin. It is not glorifying to God. Paul talks in numerous places, including this one, about how he changes his behaviors based on the group of people he is with. My husband drinks a beer maybe once a month. It’s like a treat for him. He has non-Christian friends ask him if he would like to go drinking with them, and he always declines. He is not opposed to drinking, but he wants to be careful not to give the wrong impression that he is not opposed to getting drunk, or the wild bar-hopping life. He does it because he knows that it could cause his friends to excuse their own sins.
I recently had a “conversation” on Twitter with a woman who did not understand this concept. She claimed to be a Christian, but even after attempting to explain this idea of knowingly causing a brother or sister in Christ to stumble, she was still angry that modest clothing was being promoted because of the “we have no control over what a man does.” This is always what they come back to.
Even if we choose to dress immodestly and don't cause a man to lust after us, we are still sinning, because God commands us to dress modestly. And while men tend to be more visual creatures, not every man struggles with lust. It’s not about men. It’s about God and what he asks of us. It glorifies him for us to dress modestly. It glorifies Him to not cause others to stumble.
If your heart is in the right place, you will not have a bad taste towards modesty, or even the idea that modest appearance has the potential to prevent a man from lusting after you.
This is what one woman said to me: “You dress immodestly compared to the way the Hutterite women dress, Solie (based on your pictures). Would you appreciate a Hutterite woman telling you that you're sinning and causing her husband to lust? Of course not. Bc you don't think you are. (And I don't, either).”
My answer- Yes, yes I would appreciate it. It surely would make me extremely uncomfortable; and if I knew it was because of the clothes I was wearing, I would wear something less revealing, even if my standards of dress are less strict. And regardless of whether it was something in my control (clothing, unintentional flirtatiousness) or something completely out of my control, I would remove myself from the situation; and possibly try to avoid contact and conversation with her husband. Why? Because I would not want to come between the marriage. Imagine someone you know telling you their husband lusted after you, and you did nothing to prevent creating a potential divide in their marriage?
I would definitely change if it was someone I was seeing again, or avoid the man all together. How could I “pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding,” knowing that another woman’s husband was lusting after me, and do nothing about it? How would that bring peace to me or those involved? How would I be in a position to “upbuild” this couple? Surely, the wife wouldn’t appreciate it. It would be wrong for me to flaunt whatever I want, just because I have different convictions.
Another woman said: “Women are allowed to exist, be seen, & even be beautiful like yourself. Just being pretty illicits lust.”
It’s not about diminishing beauty. And even if you dress in the baggiest most revealing outfits, a man could still lust after you. She’s right. But is that what it's about? Is anyone trying to make women ugly for the sake of not causing men to lust after us? No! That is why we must always come back to God for our reasoning. God is intentional with the way He commands us to live our lives. It is ALWAYS about him. Even if there is no explanation for one of His commands, why He asks us to do xyz, we can always know that in our obedience to Him, He is glorified. That is what this life is about! He created us, He gets to make the rules.
So, sister’s, take modesty seriously. Take glorifying God and following ALL of his commands seriously. Consider whether your apparel is respectable. Let modesty be an outpouring of what is in your heart, and remember that God views this as precious.
To hear a video summary, watch here:
With love,
Solie Osorio
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