Many women desire to marry, and want to be prepared... but how can you be properly prepared for such an important life decision? Where should you begin?
I don’t think you can ever be too prepared for marriage. Women love to envision the man they desire to be with, and it is so important that you have a clear picture of exactly the type of man you want to spend the rest of your life with (mostly in regards to character and values). You could create a list of "non-negotiables", characteristics in a man that you are unwilling to compromise on. This list could include things such as “hard-working,” “prioritizes family,” “lives a healthy lifestyle.” The most important thing is that you find a man who values and vision for life align with yours.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think most women have their ideal man in their minds. However, many of us tend to have not-so-clear pictures of ourselves. I have seen time and again women who leave relationships and proceed to trash talk the man they’ve left. These women vent about how they deserve better, and maybe even that they are working to better themselves. However, (not being judgmental, but rather, observant) these women have simply attracted men that match their true character. It’s harsh, but true. This is an example of the extreme end of things, so hopefully you don’t align with this woman. But perhaps you’ve given more thought and prayer about the man of your dreams without examining and working on yourself.
The best place to start in marriage prep is with ourselves. We need to be the woman that will attract the man that we want. If you want husband material, you need to be wife material.
In high school, our small group leader had us write a list of what we wanted in a husband. Then, we drew a line down the middle, and on the other side, we wrote down characteristics of the type of wife that we wanted to be. The idea was to write characteristics and qualities that aligned with and complemented those of a husband.
Women and girls also tend to focus a lot on the wedding day as well. Remember, who you are will have a much bigger effect on your marriage than the color of your bridesmaid’s dresses. I promise. The spirit you bring into your marriage will have a much bigger effect than anything. That spirit will either be the thing your husband loves and cherishes, or something he doesn’t appreciate and that will cause constant friction between you two.
The best time to work on becoming this type of woman is… today! Whether you’re in middle school, or nearing 30, ready to get married, or giving it a couple more years, it is part of our jobs as mature women to cultivate characteristics that will benefit us, not just today, but in the future. Forget living it up, running wild, and living in what I like to call “extended adolescence.” Grow up! Make the most of your time as a single woman! Cultivate your femininity. Learn how to care for and serve others. Learn practical skills that will benefit you and your future husband, like cooking, sewing, handling finances. Ask God to help you weed out sins that will cause friction in a future marriage, like selfishness, rebellion, laziness. Work on your relationship with Jesus. Learn about what it is to be a wife. Get advice from godly wives that you admire. Pray for and about your future husband, yes, but pray for even more so for God to help you become that woman that *you* need to become. Even without a husband, becoming this type of woman will help you thrive in life. And in doing these things, you will attract men that are potential husband material.
The best place to start in marriage prep is with ourselves. We need to be the woman that will attract the man that we want. If you want husband material, you need to be wife material.
Don’t worry about trying to be a perfect wife before you get married. Don’t worry about whether every man you meet is your potential future husband. Just be sure that you don’t neglect your flaws, and that you work on becoming the woman you need to become. Simply be prepared and make the most of your single-hood!
If you would love to hear a more in depth conversation about preparing for marriage, from the male perspective as well, my husband and I have a podcast episode dedicated to the topic:
Watch/ listen here:
Or listen here, or on Spotify:
With love,
Solie Osorio
P.S. I'd love to meet you over on Instagram: here.
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