I recently saw an Instagram post with a picture that said, “Marriage=babies.” The author went on to write about a conversation she had when she was newly married. Her sister asked when they were planning on having children, and the author responded that they wanted children soon. Her sister looked at her as if she had a third eye!
Something very sad and actually devastating has happened in our world over the past decades: the separation of sex and making babies. It used to be common knowledge that sex resulted in a child. It was expected that married couples would have children.
This separation has caused married Christian couples to believe they don’t need to have kids. It’s also resulted in a negative view of unexpected pregnancy. It can result in fear, anger, anxiety, rather than joy at the impending arrival of a little blessing. It’s resulted in increased promiscuity. It has greatly been attributed to, and is largely the result of, increased use in birth control, many of which are abortifacients and many of which damage, or interrupt a woman’s natural cycle (sometimes even causing infertility). This separation can also be attributed to the abortion industry, as now one can be sexually active but a baby is just a “mistake”; as if making a baby is some unfortunate and uncommon side effect of sex, that can be gotten rid of because it was unplanned.
Here’s a formula for you: marriage = sex = babies
Maybe that’s not proper math, but don't come for me, okay? You know what I mean.
The world may never get it, but Christians should embrace the fact that procreation is a result of sex. When God created man and woman, He didn’t say, “Go and have sex.” (Or maybe, “Go and get to know each other” haha). He said, “Be fruitful and multiply.” (Genesis 1:28) Sex was the means in which this multiplication would be possible. Having children is the reason for sex. Not only that, but all throughout scripture, it is apparent that marriage and having children go together and are a part of God’s design.
I’m not saying that every time you have sex you should be trying to have children (nor am I saying that a child is the only thing one can get out of sex i.e. pleasure, sense of unity). What I am saying is that God would not have created sex if He did not intend for us to procreate.
When Andre and I were dating, and pretty certain we were going to get married, we got in an argument about birth control. I was already pretty certain I wanted to do natural family planning (NFP) because I did not want anything foreign in my body, anything that would disrupt or even ruin my natural cycle, nor anything that would potentially ruin my fertility. Andre, however, was not on board, and was uncertain of the efficacy of NFP (though he was opposed to hormonal birth controls). That further resulted in Andre saying we should maybe wait to get married until we’re ready to have children. He said he wanted children in two years. I dreaded dating for that length of time and was ready to have kids as soon as we were married. I was devastated, as I didn’t think we would last that long. (I didn’t see a point in dating that long- we already knew each other very well and thought we would get bored of not moving forward in our relationship.) But I knew that waiting to get married was our only option if I didn’t want to use birth control.
So, what changed? Well, we only dated for a couple months after that before we got engaged. Over time, the Holy Spirit revealed to Andre that sex and making children go hand-in-hand. And we already knew that sex and marriage go hand-in-hand. We had thought we were ready for marriage but not ready for children. Yet, when we got married, we would be having sex (duh). Even if we had decided to use birth control, what if it failed and I got pregnant before the timeline that we had created for ourselves? Would we be devastated, as our plans failed? Would we be upset because we didn’t have enough money, or established careers? Would we be angry at God for allowing this?
The only logical conclusion would be that God blesses marriages with children. Children are an inheritance from God (Psalm 127:3). Therefore, we would welcome them at any point! If we were ready for marriage, then we were ready for children.
I’m not telling you to have to have children right away (although I would love to write further on the topic of when to have children, and am certainly an advocate for it because babies are amazing).
However, we need to remove the mindset that we can be ready for marriage but not children. If you are having sex, you need to be ready in case God decides to give you a little gift in the form of a baby sooner than you expected.
The world has pushed this idea that you can have sex as much as you want, and get nothing from it but pleasure. Consequence-free sex is a worldly ideal, and certainly a newer ideal with the creation of birth control. Just because you are married does not mean that sex is without consequences. Sure, there may not be the sin consequence, but we forget that babies are a part, or should I say, the fruit, of sex.
We live in a world where unborn babies are killed for convenience, married couples use birth control in hopes of never having children, and sex has been reduced to nothing more than the fulfillment of an urge. As Christians, we have the opportunity to reclaim God’s design for marriage and sex, which includes having babies. We have the opportunity to not only bring purity back into sex (by saving sex for our spouses), but to show the world that children are indeed a heritage from the Lord by loving them and having them when we are married.
We need to remove the mindset that we can be ready for marriage but not children. If you are having sex, you need to be ready in case God decides to give you a little gift in the form of a baby sooner than you expected.
God desires that married couples have children to advance His kingdom and bring Him glory. It should be one of the fundamental parts of our marriages. When we look for a husband, we should also be looking for a man who would be a good father.
I truly hope you take this into account in your own marriage or future marriage. Children are a blessing!! Don’t we want more blessings from God? Christians need to reclaim the biblical worldview of children, and it starts within our marriages and families!
With love,
Solie Osorio
P.S. I'd love to meet you over on Instagram: here.
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