How to Have it ALL in a Few Simple Steps

Marriage, family, and a career- you CAN have it all! Here’s how:

Image: via Huffington Post

Step 1:

It starts as soon as you leave high school - actually, it probably starts in high school, when you vigorously study to excel in academics and are highly involved in extracurriculars. Why? So that you can continue your education for four more years, at least. There is a high chance you will need to pull out loans (that you will be paying off for many years). It's okay though, if you apply for scholarships, you might be able to pay less. Even better, that career you’re planning on getting this education for will help pay off all that debt.

Say you meet your future husband around this time- if so, it might be best to wait until after you finish college to get married. This is extremely important, because not only will it be difficult to focus on your studies, you probably won’t be able to pay for your unnecessarily expensive- er, I mean, dream wedding if you get married in college.

Step 2:

The time to graduate has finally come- you got that coveted degree! At this time you can also consider going back to school for more degrees, as this will really help you and your career. You’ve started applying for jobs, and the likelihood of you getting a job in your career field right off the bat is slim. It’s okay though, you are determined to hustle- you got this!

Step 3:

This is precisely why experts recommend waiting many years to start having children. You cannot possibly establish your career if you get pregnant. Say you accidentally do get pregnant- what happens then? Well, you could end the life of the child- er, I mean, end the pregnancy- through an abortion. But that is not a very Christian thing to do. What is a perfectly acceptable Christian thing to do is to prevent pregnancy through taking birth controls pills for years. Sure, birth control can hinder the development of strong bones, negatively impact gut and immune health, damage vaginal and bladder health, and impact normal brain function*, increasing risk of vaginal and cervical cancer, risk of deadly blood clots, poor mental health; filling your healthy (or further damaging a sickly) reproductive system and entire body with endocrine disruptors, a.k.a toxins- I mean, artificial hormones that destroy your fertility, and even make it extremely difficult to get pregnant. But, you have to keep in mind your priorities- that career isn’t going to establish itself.

Once you finally have a child (best to wait until your late 20’s or early 30’s to start trying), you realize having a child is one of the most joyful and beautiful parts of your life- just don’t let the thought of ending your career, or putting it on pause till the child has grown enter your mind.

So, now you have your husband, your career, and your child… but having it all doesn’t stop there! There are further steps you will need to take to ensure you keep it all.

Step 4:

About 12 weeks or so, after having your baby-maybe even six weeks after- you will need to return to your career. Sure, your infant still needs you like no other, even if you don’t breastfeed… but hey, you must keep your eye on the prize. It will be difficult for your child to adjust to life without his or her mama, but it will be okay.

Once you get back into the grind of things, your day will once again be filled with deadlines, meetings, training sessions, emails, nice and not so nice coworkers, and pleasing pain-in-the-tush management and bosses.

Pro-tip: Video your baby’s face at least once when you pick them up from the sitter’s, or arrive back home after being apart from you all day. The joy will be out of this world!

Step 5:

Your husband will be just as tired as you when he comes home from work, and the baby will still need you as soon as you arrive or pick them up from the sitter’s/daycare. You will also have to make dinner, or you might as well just order take out. You and your husband can juggle the housework and find balance, but regardless, just be warned that you will still likely take on the bulk of housework and child-rearing. At night, your husband may want a lil’ sum'n-sum'n (if you know what I mean). You’ll probably be exhausted so it’s perfectly acceptable to say no, you’re too tired. Besides, you need to go to bed early (if you don’t have to do more work), so that you are well rested in the morning for work. On top of that, your child(ren) may be up throughout the night, so your sleep time is already compromised as it is.

Weekends off should be used for cleaning- after all, you will have little time throughout the week to give your home proper attention.

5:30 a.m. rolls around, and your alarm clock sounds off. Time to get up! You will need to do about a million and one things- quiet time, work out, check email, make the kids lunch, drop off kids at school, or wait for the nanny perhaps- all before 8 a.m.

Hi-ho, hi-ho, off to work you go!

Well, there you have it! A fulltime job, a fulltime mother, a fulltime wife. Remember when just the men worked, and women stayed home all day cleaning the house and taking care of children? How drab! Well now, you can have it all just like the men! You go!

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Disclaimer: This is my first satirical article. No, it’s not meant to “shame” or guilt women, but rather give a humorous glimpse at the reality of trying to do it all. Women, we weren’t created with the ability to do anything and everything (don’t worry, men weren’t either). There are always consequences- something or someone will have to give, whether it be your home, your children, or your marriage. You cannot possibly give 100% to your job and your family, and it is likely that the family will suffer- if you don’t give your all to your job, you’ll lose it! It's not because "cards are stacked against women." It's because you were created for your home. If you work (as in, making an income), and you should if time permits (see Proverbs 31), it should be centered around the home. The crazier the world gets, the more convinced I am that women need to be home. Families need truly strong women, much more desperately than the world out there. They should stay home, sharpen some arrows (a.k.a, raise children), be helpmeets to their husbands, manage household affairs. As our first and primary ministry, it is imperative that we do what is in the best interest of our husband and children.

With love,

Solie Osorio

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Let's chat: Was this you at some point, trying to do it all? What was that like for you?

* https://www.zrtlab.com/blog/archive/obgyn-not-prescribing-the-birth-control-pill/