Believe or not, homemaking is more than just cooking a pot roast and putting on a pretty dress. There’s much more to it- cooking tidying, deep cleaning, decluttering, making the home cozy, catering to the needs of your husband and children, running errands, possibly sewing or gardening, trying to make income on the side, managing finances, trying to take care of yourself, finding the time for hobbies, church, and social life… and it is NOT as simple as you would think. For many young wives and new homemakers, there is a learning curve. You have to realize that you can’t do it all, that there will be sacrifices, and that the people in your home are to be prioritized before the stuff.
I’m fresh out of my first year of homemaking, so I figured I would share some lessons I learned to help you as a fellow homemaker.
1. Not Viewing the House As My Home
My number one issue when I first moved into our little one bed, one bath apartment, was that I didn’t feel any ownership for my new home. As a newlywed, I had just come from living in the same place my entire life. This new place was unfamiliar, uncozy, and undecorated, and although I liked it, I didn’t feel at home. I felt no personal responsibility to do anything other than a brief tidy- not make the bed, deep clean or declutter, decorate, or anything of the sort.
It all changed when I realized that this was my home. When I started viewing care for my home as a vocation, I finally had passion and excitement to care for it properly. My purview was caring for my home. I could change the emptiness, I could tackle the clutter, I could clean the kitchen every night, I could create an atmosphere that was peaceful, tidy, and enjoyable to live in.
2. Laziness and Idleness
Once I realized that I was viewing my home through the wrong lens, I was convicted of something else- I had a problem with laziness. I was using my inability to feel “connected” (for lack of better words) to my home as an excuse to not do more to care for it. It was easier to throw an “I’m just a newlywed in a foreign environment and it’s all so unfamiliar” pity party for myself, then actually just do the dishes or vacuum the floor. Thankfully, once I took responsibility for my home, my laziness was nipped in the bud. I wanted to glorify God by working hard in my home!
3. Trying to Do Too Much
Once I nipped my laziness in the bud, I was on fire! I wanted to do all the things- cook the healthiest, from scratch meals, clean the whole house from top to bottom daily, declutter everything, grow some herbs indoors, sew- and I had to face the reality that I couldn’t do it all. There were seasons within homemaking, I learned. Now was not the time to grow herbs. Now was not the time to purchase a sewing machine. Decorating would have to happen slooooowly, and would need to thrift it all. But that was okay. At the moment, I needed to focus on the basics and master them. I needed to give myself grace when things were left unfinished, and realize that that was acceptable so long as I tried my best to get it done to the glory of God and not cave to laziness.
4. Not Prioritizing My Husbands Needs
Within “not trying to do too much”, I had to learn where my priorities lay. Sometimes, I would neglect the needs of my husband. I would spend too much time with my family, or take too long getting home from babysitting. Then I would try to cram in allll the things. Dinner would be late, much to my husband's chagrin. Then, I would want the kitchen to be spotless before going to bed, but because it was already late, and because Andre wanted to spend time with me, I wouldn’t have time, so I would be upset that the kitchen wasn’t clean. His needs come first. That means making sure I have dinner planned, and ready to eat at a decent hour. That means that if he wants to spend time with me at night, and it’s already late, sometimes I will have to forgo cleaning the kitchen like I want. And I have to realize that my marriage is more important than the cleanliness of my house. But, I must also remember that the cleanliness of our house can be used to honor Andre, by making our bed, or keeping our bedroom where he works clutter free and tidy. It also means serving him foods that he likes, and making his favorite meals on occasion, no matter how labor intensive, and making sure he doesn’t mind things like the décor I put up.
5. Not Creating Habits or Routines
I like flexibility and not being tied down to a routine. I realized early on that I needed to have a to-do list (and subsequently learned I needed to only add a few items) as a daily guide. I had trouble figuring out what to do. I thought, What more is there to do other than the same ol’ tidying over and over? Making a to-do list with things on it that weren’t part of the everyday tidying, such as 'frame pictures, declutter closet,
organize cabinets', not only kept me busier, but contributed to the tidiness and peacefulness of our home. Now, I have a basic routine that ensures I get plenty of work done, without feeling too restricted when it inevitably gets thrown off, changed, and flip-flopped around. I have also developed little habits that make keeping my home clean and tidy much easier, like doing the dishes throughout the day, making the bed every morning, washing small loads of clothes every few days, and wiping down the toilet, sink, and mirror after getting ready in the morning.
I learned so much in my first year as a homemaker, and will continue to learn as the years go. I hope the first year will serve as a foundation for all my years to come. I hope you can learn from the mistakes I made, and avoid them altogether!
With love,
Solie Osorio
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