Submission is awesome, but it is not always easy. Here are some ways you can submit today!
It is not popular to submit. Chances are high that you won’t read about it in a marriage book, hear about it in videos, or see people talking about it online. You may not have ever heard the word submission growing up. Your mother may not have been an example of a submissive wife. You may even cringe at the idea of submitting. When preparing for marriage, you will likely hear about communication, and compromise, love languages, and not submission. However, we see in scripture that wives are called to submit to their husbands. But what does this look like practically?
My Journey to Submission
Before I got married, this was a question I had. I knew that it was important that I submit to Andre, but I didn’t know where to start and how to prepare to be a submissive wife. Chances are, if you grew up with a father, he was head over you and your family. You were probably obedient to him, and hopefully, he was a man you could respect and loved. If you are a Christian, you have practiced submitting to Christ, as submitting to Christ is the very essence of Christianity. Most of us have had to submit to authority at some point in our lives. And oftentimes, if we don’t suppress it, or let our flesh get in the way, submission comes naturally.
Sometimes when I thought about submission, I would get a little anxious. I was afraid that there would be some sort of loss of freedom, like things would fall apart if I didn’t get my way. But I also knew it was wrong to feel these ways. God intends for wives to submit to their husbands- it was his design. His ways always lead to freedom. And I knew Andre would never make a decision that would intentionally spite me, make me upset, or take our family down a wrong path. I needed to pray. The most important thing you can do to prepare to be a submissive wife is ask God to remove that spirit of rebellion from you. I did not like having preconceived angst against my future husband! You don’t have to fight what is natural within you. And the Holy Spirit will help you! He will take away that angst and allow you to love following your husband.
I sought wisdom and insight from people in submissive marriages. I watched videos, talked to my parents, and Andre and I also discussed what this would like practically whenever I had my doubts. Submission is NOT always easy. Depending on your personality, and that of the man you marry, it may come easier or harder. But even if it comes easy, there will always be moments when you have to fight your flesh hard to stay respectful and obedient to your husband.
Here are some ways to help you submit to your husband today:
1. Pray.
Pray before you get married and pray after you get married. You will need prayer for God’s help. You will need prayer for self-control, selflessness, grace, kindness, and peace. You will need God’s help to be the submissive wife you need to be. Pray for your husband and his leadership as well.
2. Trust.
Trust in your husband. If you can’t trust him, you will not believe that he is leading you in the right direction. You will be afraid, or want to be in control instead. You have to deeply trust your husband, that he wants to go where the Lord is calling your family, and that the Lord is leading him every day.
3. Help.
Give him what he needs. Ask him what he needs. Do what you can to make his life less stressful. You were created to be his help-meet.
4. Do not be argumentative.
Sometimes, it is better to say nothing at all. Even if you disagree, there are moments when it will not be worth stating your opinion, because you will only get emotional and upset. You have to gauge for yourself whether speaking will actually be fruitful and life-giving, or something that will cause an argument.
5. Have an attitude of gratitude.
Let him know how much you appreciate all he does for you and all that he is to you, through your words, and even more so, through your actions.
6. Build up your husband- in the home, and in public.
Never talk bad about him, or belittle him to his face, to family, friends, the lady in the grocery store who wants to know why you’re stressed. No man is perfect, and every marriage has its ups and downs, but people do not need to know about your husbands every flaw. Speak well of him, and never go against him in public even if you feel like he might be wrong. Be respectful.
7. Let him take the lead.
Let him provide. Let him protect. Let him be chivalrous. At least ask for his opinion, even if he has none or ends up being indifferent about whatever it is. Resist your desire to be in control. Men are dominant by nature, do not try to repress that.
8. Let him have the final say in decision making, unless he says otherwise.
If he says, “no” or doesn’t go with the decision you hoped he would, he has the final say, even if it makes you sad or mad. If you feel it is a bad decision, you can bring it to God. Remember that your husband is not trying to spite you or hurt you. He is the leader, so he gets the final say.
9. Remember that he is your husband, not a small child that needs reprimanding, or to be told what to do.
Part of our natural instinct as women is to be motherly. But our husbands don’t need us to be motherly towards them. They are grown men, hopefully mature, and continuing to mature. They don’t need us to tell them they’ve been playing video games for too long, or that they need to do their chores. Don’t be nag. We can nurture and care for our husbands without crossing over into “mama” territory.
10. Acknowledge that you can’t change his mind. Even if something goes wrong, this is not a moment for “I told you so.” Be humble. Don't try to manipulate him to change his mind. You may be able to discuss things, give your opinion, and offer a new or different perspective, but if he doesn't change his mind, don't push it, or try to change it.
Being submissive does not always come easily. You will definitely have moments when you fail. You may have a husband who is not a good leader, or who is an unbeliever. You may be altogether opposed to submission. But rely on the Lord to give you a heart for your husband, and for God’s design for marriage.
With love,
Solie Osorio
Let's talk about it: What has helped you on your journey in submission?
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